Monday, October 14, 2013

30 Day Chronic Illness Challenge: Day 5

How does being chronically ill make you feel?

Physically:  I have shooting pain, dull achy pain, throbbing pain, pulsing pain, burning pain and spasm pain.  I also experience numbness.  I have constant nausea.  I am exhausted 75% of the time, the other 25% I'm just tired.  Sometimes I feel terrified for... some reason I guess.  My body hasn't let me in on the secret of what that reason is yet.

Emotionally:  So many feelings... so, so many feelings.  I feel mad.  There are so many things I want to do that are now a hundred times more difficult to accomplish.  I feel sad.  Sometimes I feel sorry for myself because things aren't *fair*.  I know life isn't fair but you know what, that doesn't mean I can't be pissed off about it from time to time.  I feel misunderstood.  I feel judged.  I feel helpless.
I also feel challenged.  There are days where I feel like I am clinging on at rock bottom but one thing I will never do is give up.  I might be stuck in bed today but rest assured that the next time I have a good day I will live the crap out of it. 

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