Saturday, December 31, 2011

Dear 2011,

You were a year of loss.  A year of illness.  A year of surgery.  A year of anxiety disorder and intestinal distress (I know.  Gross, right?).

I learned a lot from you 2011.  I learned what it feels like to have vertigo.  I learned that I hyperventilate to the point of numb limbs when riding in an ambulance.  I learned how to maneuver through life being dizzy without falling over and throwing up.  I got so good at taking Dramamine that it doesn't even make me sleepy anymore. Thank you for my Vestibular Disorder 2011, life will never be the same.

2011 taught me that I am horrible at dealing with loss.  I am no where near being an emotionless badass.  I learned how final death really is.  I know that sounds absolutely ridiculous... but take it from me, you need to get closure.  Closure is important.  Thanks for the lesson 2011, you were a real pal.

In 2011 I said goodbye to my gallbladder.  We had always had a bit of a tumultuous relationship but it seems it had finally had enough and self destructed.  I learned that if your condition is not considered life threatening then it is OK for surgery to be postponed for up to 2 weeks while you are left to live off of water, Jell-O, and Dilauded.  Thank you 2011.  I always wanted to know what heroine was like but needles really gross me out.

I got to spend the last day of my 20's in the hospital having a bunch of blood work done that led to a CT Scan. On the last day of my 20's I got to find out that while I was in a considerable amount of pain it was not due to any strange complication from my surgery or any tumors or gremlins wreaking havoc on my insides...  this is good news.  Except for the fact that I have an anxiety disorder and immediately thought I must be going crazy.  A month later when I was finally able to get in for an upper endoscopy it was discovered that I have a hiatal hernia, GERD, Chronic Gastritis, Bile Reflux, and IBS.  Well thank God I'm not CRAZY... geez... can I please be crazy and still be able to eat tomatoes when I want?  No?... FINE 20011 but you are really starting to piss me off!

Somewhere in the middle of all of this mess we bought a house.  We didn't really mean to it just sort of happened.  These are the decisions you make when you are fueled by anxiety, dramamine, and pure mental exhaustion.  It turned out to be a good decision.  Good job Jeff.  I'm pretty sure you navigated that one for us.

The latest in the long list of diagnosis's is that I have Fibromyalgia.  The most awesome part of this is that because of my stomach issues and allergy to sulfa based drugs there isn't really much I can take.  I think this is sort of a blessing though.  After doing a lot of research and talking with my Mawmaw (she also has Fibro) it seems that all medicine does is cause a whole other set of problems.  The most annoying part of the whole thing is the insomnia.  I go through the whole day dragging ass tired (I really miss coffee) and then by the time I go to lay down to sleep I'm wide awake.  Awesome.

In 2011 I learned how much my husband loves me.  In case you were wondering... its A LOT.  I was also reminded of how much I love my husband - A LOT.  I learned that its OK for me to say no to people and to focus on my own health and well being.  I learned that this does not make me selfish or unreliable but actually makes me responsible, especially to the ones who love me. I learned how much my kids love me and that's like WAY A LOT.  I hope they remember that when they're teenagers.

I learned how much I HATE drama.  Unnecessary, ridiculous, attention seeking, selfish, feeling hurting, DRAMA.  I'm done with it.  I will not listen to, feed into, or create any drama.  I have enough problems.  Unless you find yourself in a situation where you need a kidney (found out this year that I have 3), food and or shelter because your house has just burned down, blood transfusion (hope you aren't allergic to Xanax), or in some other situation not caused by drama you just couldn't keep yourself out of... don't call me.  I'm not trying to be an asshole but its really better that I tell you now and not over the phone or snarky facebook message at the exact moment you expect me to care.  No one wants that.

I also learned in 2011 how much I love this blog.  It is nice to be falling apart and still feel like a productive member of society.  I love everyone who reads this blog.  Even if you have never commented.  I hope my ramblings and recipes help you to have a better day.

Thanks for everything 2011,


This slightly out of focus picture of me says a lot about my year.


  1. Wow. You have had a very impressive year. I wish you a great 2012, and very much enjoy reading your posts. All the best, Sasha from Kale With Love

  2. I know you had a Hard year, but you have a family that loves and supports you, 2012 will be better, love your blog....